There was a time I shed a tear or two or five minutes’ worth over the
fact that I missed Libby’s first tooth.
There was a lot I missed in the seven months that passed before I held
her, and as hard as I KNOW those early months are, and as grateful as I am for
those seven extra months of decent sleep… you understand. I’m positive none of you parents would trade
away even the worst of days in exchange for missing entire months of your child’s
life.
Then we brought her home and she cut a few more teeth. It was not fun. Not even a little. Well, maybe a LITTLE but only because I had
always wanted to experience that parent bonding thing where I go somewhere with
bloodshot eyes and rumpled hair after a sleepless night and just be able to
explain to another parent “Yeah, teething…” and not have to say another word
but have them nod in complete understanding and agreement.
Until the eye teeth come in.
THEN nothing about it is fun.
Nothing about ANYTHING is fun.
Putting a (finally) sleeping baby to bed after a day of screaming is not
fun because suddenly the house is quiet for the first time in hours and you
realize the screaming is still going on in your head and probably will keep you
awake all night. You look at your spouse
on the other end of the couch. He is
holding a beer to his lips but has been staring into space for about five
minutes and his beer is still full. He
has either lost the strength to tip up the bottle, or has forgotten how swallow.
Or both. Probably both. You would ask him, but he probably won’t be able to
hear you over the screaming in your head.
You would ask YOURSELF why you EVER shed a single tear over missing the
first tooth, but you might punch yourself in the face for even asking the
question, so you don’t.
You’ve been there. Maybe not
teething. Maybe not even kids! We’ve all
experienced that thing where something we once LONGED FOR, just HAD to have,
became sour and awful and instead we LONG for it to just go away and leave us
in peace.
(I do not want my daughter to go away and leave me in peace. I love her very much. Just the teething thing. She can live without teeth, right?)
So have you ever had the exact opposite happen? You suddenly realize that
something you once considered sour and awful has become sweet and wonderful? That happened to me when I realized in my
late 20’s that I AM a pickle person. I
always thought I hated them! Then the Packers went to the Super Bowl (because
that’s my frame of reference for everything) and we threw a party and someone
brought a jar of these faaaaaabulous pickles that are all crisp and delicious
and turned my world upside down. Or
maybe my pre-pickle days were actually the upside down part of my life and now
my world is right side up. That sounds
better. And also that way the juice from
my delicious pickles won’t spill all over.
Libby still isn’t talking really.
She says “Mom” and “Dada” occasionally, but not on command, only when
she feels like it. So…. a perfectly
normal kid in regard to obstinacy ;) Oh, and she DEFINITELY knows how to say “no.” She
has also mastered screaming it and shrieking it over and over successively like
“nanananananananananana!!!” Other than that, her speech development has been
slooooooow going. Boy, does she make
some beautiful sounds when she sings and babbles and speaks to us in her own
little ever-developing language. But no
English yet.
Sometimes I view speech as this far-off light at the end of the tunnel,
and all these other developmental delays we are struggling through will someday
magically resolve when Libby learns to talk and she and I can have a rational
conversation about all the things that currently make her scream and cry for no
apparent reason. But then I spend like ten seconds
with any other kid on the planet and remember that speech is not the big red
Easy button from the Staples commercials.
Speech is not a magic fix like singing the jingle in the State Farm
commercials. Speech is not…
I watch too much TV.
(And I usually fast-forward the commercials. Huh.)
Anyway, when I’m not making silly excuses or wallowing in self-pity, I KNOW
that speech is not going to solve all our problems. Because what do kids learn QUICKLY once they
learn speech? They learn to MANIPULATE speech.
They listen to grown-ups play around with tone of voice and
inflection. They hear us lie and gossip
and they hear awful words come out of our mouths, radios, and televisions.
So yeah, my kid is almost three and still doesn’t talk. It will probably be years before she can tell
me what hurts or that she loves me or what she is willing to trade in exchange
for STOP SCREAMING. But this – now – where we’re at… I’ve come to not hate
it. In fact, I’ve kind of come to love
it. Everything she gives me is 100%
honest, heartfelt emotion. She is not playing around with me. She kind of sort of knows about “lying” just
a little bit because we play this game where I say “Where’s your tummy?” and
she points to her head on purpose just to get a big, silly reaction out of
me. But other than that, she is honest
and true. And I figure it can’t HURT for
her to have all this extra time to develop the gift of being
straightforward. Maybe we could ALL use
a little extra practice with that ;)
I conducted an informal poll on facebook last week, looking for some
other ideas about things people used to hate but now have come to love. Hope you can relate to one or two – or just
have a good laugh:
- Naps (yes, please!)
- Raspberry kool-aid *and I quote* “the original formula, not the stuff they now try to pass as raspberry” J
- High school choir concerts – how boring the rehearsals were and sitting uncomfortably on the bleachers waiting for the concert to end. But oh, how we miss that music now!
- Another great one I must quote word for word: “My figure. When we’re younger we don’t realize what we have. Our skin is tighter, metabolism higher… and yet we could always find something to criticize. 15 years and 4 kids later, it’s hard to wrap your head around how different this body looks, and you regret how little you appreciated it before.”
- Coffee (another yes, please!)
- Running (for fun – gasp!)
- Being carded for alcohol purchases – that one was me. Oh, how I LOATHED being carded at the tender age of 21. How DARE they? Can’t they tell I am 21 and 2 days old? ;) Now I’m all, “Hey, I’m going out to buy alcohol, let’s leave the baby at home and put on a college sweatshirt and not make eye contact with the clerk in an effort to PLEASE get them to card me FOR THE LOVE. It’s kind of a fun game.
- The peace of taking a shower (from a mom of little boys)
- Girls (from a guy who just celebrated his fifteenth wedding anniversary and means it in the funniest and non-creepiest of ways. Had me a good laugh over that one.)
- Being alone (from a mom of TWO sets of twins under three *mom-brains exploding everywhere*)
- Cleaning the house - well, personally I still kind of hate that one but to each his own, RACHEL! :)
And let me close out the list by returning full-circle to
teething. Awful, dreadful teething. Except, you know what? This is it. This is THE LAST SET of teeth. Once these cut through, when she gets crabby
and irrational, I won’t be able to excuse it as “teething” as I’ve been doing
for the last two years straight. When I look at that tear-stained, teething
face, I KNOW she hurts and she’s not just having a tantrum and I’m able to
handle those difficult moments with so much more grace and patience. I almost kind of love teething because, for
once, I have my kid all figured out. And
also she wants to cuddle. All day
cuddling. She’s never been much of a cuddler.
But MAN, she’s like the jaws of life these days the way she clamps onto
us when we try to put her to bed. She
wants us. She NEEDS us. And this Mama heart needs her to need
me. This Mama heart is just eating up
all those cuddles. This Mama heart is
feeling just a little sad about this being the last set of molars.
(And the answer is NO, I do not/will not ever need to fill the void by
bringing home YOUR teething child. But
thanks J )
