What's Another Week?

Well, some of you have gathered from a few random Facebook posts that our "Elizabeth" plans have changed a bit, but many others still might think we're leaving for California in two days.  I guess it's time for a little update :)  We have to wait one more looooooong week now before we get to leave.  At first I was really disappointed... now (two days before the date we originally wanted to leave) I'm a little relieved because I know we would have been SO far from ready to go on Sunday.

Our little sweetie pie is now 6 1/2 months old.  I get a little wistful and occasionally bum out because we're missing so much from day to day, but have such joy knowing we will be with her before she turns 7 months on June 3.  Tim and I fly out to LA on Sunday night, May 27, on a flight I bought so cheaply, I still do a happy dance when I think about it three days later.  We'll get into LA about 11 pm and probably not sleep at all because we'll be so excited.  First thing in the morning, we'll pick up a rental car and head about three hours north to meet little Libby on Memorial Day.  The birthmother's social worker, Theresa, will be coming from about 4 hours in a different direction to meet us and go through our paperwork.  She might even make it down to us right away on Memorial Day, depending on what her family has planned for the holiday; otherwise she will come on Tuesday or as soon as she can.  But regardless of when Theresa is able to make it to meet us, we're "allowed" to go and visit Elizabeth and the family she has been staying with, and start getting to know her.  So Monday is the day!

Elizabeth has been staying with these wonderful people named Dede and Gene.   They love her so much and have taken fantastic care of her since she was two days old.  After a little stint in the NICU, Elizabeth came home with them at about a week old.  She had been born a little early, but I think she was full-term at least.  She was 6 lb 13 oz, but dropped more than she should have in the first week due to some issues that I am anxious to hear more about.  When she first got home, she was a fussy eater and slow to grow, so Dede and Gene bought a home scale for her and they weighed her every two days.  Even now that she's "out of the woods" and doing much better, they still continue to weigh her regularly; it's a fun little ritual for them.  Last I heard, the little peanut was closing in on 16 pounds!

The live in a beautiful town right on the ocean, and take her there often for walks.  Tim and I are really looking forward to spending some time on the coast! We'll be staying with Dede and Gene for 4-5 days to help ease Elizabeth's transition from their care to ours.  We'll stay in their home for at least 2 nights, and spend our days learning her daily routine so that we can do our best to replicate it for Libby's comfort and familiarity.  For the third and fourth nights, we'll stay in a hotel to see how she does overnight in a different environment, but we'll bring her back to the house during the day.  I'm pretty nervous about those first couple days after we actually leave for good; I think she's going to have a rough time at first.  Since she relies so much on her senses other than sight, we have to think very differently about how to make her feel secure and comfortable with us.

Depending on when Theresa arrives to go through paperwork with us, and then gets it submitted to the state, we will probably be in California for 5-10 days.  One of the first forms we will sign will be "placement" papers, allowing us to leave Dede and Gene's with her and travel freely as a family, but we will need the state's approval of some of our other paperwork before we are allowed to leave the state and come home.  The earliest they foresee this happening would be Friday, June 1.  I'm not really counting on things happening that quickly.  We're mentally preparing that we'd have to be out there until Tuesday the 5th or Wednesday the 6th, and will just be pleasantly surprised if we're allowed to come home earlier.

Libby has not yet been baptized, so we want to do that before we travel home with her.  I got a box of beautiful clothes from my mom this week, and my baptismal gown was inside for us to take to California and use for Elizabeth.  If we come home before Sunday, we'll do a little private ceremony somewhere before flying out.  If we are there over the weekend, we'll be staying with some dear friends after we leave Dede and Gene's and hope to the baptism in a WELS church on Sunday.

We're really excited about getting her home for our whirlwind month of June that has been falling into place.  June 10 is our six-year anniversary, and will likely be our first Sunday home to introduce her to the congregations.  June 11-14, Tim will be gone to New Ulm for District Convention, but is considering coming home in the evenings to see Libby (and me :) I may go down there a bit, too, so she can meet some of our pastor friends and their families.  Libby's first Brewers game (or Twins game, depending on how you cheer) will be Friday night, June 15 at Target Field.  The next Friday the 22nd, we have a family wedding in Wisconsin for my side, and then a family wedding reception on Saturday for Tim's side.  THEN Tim will be gone June 26-July 1 for the WELS Youth Rally in Tennessee, so I'll either be home alone, accepting live-in visitors, or hanging out in Wisconsin for the week, passing Elizabeth around from grandparent to grandparent.  I guess I still have a month to think about that one :)


We have slowly been feeling more and more "ready" for her from day to day, as these weeks have passed since we first found out that she is ours.  The first week, neither of us slept well and at times felt physically ill from the stress.  The second week, we had started to get more of our ducks in a row as to medical appointments, special resources, and baby gear.  We have a pretty good idea of what Dede will be sending us home with, have bought a few things that we know we will need right away, and are humbled by God's grace daily as the generosity of family and friends fills our mailbox with gift cards and adorable outfits and wonderful little girl goodies.

I will be getting a six-week maternity leave from work, which starts when we bring her home and does not include the California trip.  So that puts us out to the middle of July.  During the six weeks, we'll be evaluating if I should try to return to work or stay home permanently.  Our "life plan" always included me going back to work, because I have a wonderful part-time schedule that would only require us to utilize daycare two days per week, with "Daddy Day" on my other two half-days per week.  But Little Miss Libby's needs have us seriously considering me staying home.  We'll see.  I absolutely love my job... BUT we kinda love Elizabeth a little bit, too :) We'll need some time at home with her to figure out what day-to-day life will be like, and what will be best for her.


SO! That's what we know for now.  I am absolutely dying to share pictures of this beautiful little girl with you all, but we have been asked by the social workers not to do so until we get her home.  However, I am allowed to share privately, so if you would like to see some pictures, please e-mail me at megan.redfield.MR@gmail.com, and I'll send some to you.  Maybe not right away... but eventually.  I may get another update posted before we leave next Sunday, if we have anything new to report.  Otherwise I'll post something while we're out there about how absolutely wonderful she is :)

Elizabeth

I think this is a first. Two posts within a week... sometimes it's hard to do two posts in a month! I have a confession to make about my last post, all about making the most of pre-parenthood years.  The truth is, I already knew about Baby Elizabeth when I posted it.  Here's the story of our last three weeks:

Monday, April 16
I went in to work for a few hours in the afternoon, after Tim left for Pastor's Conference.  I have Mondays off, but we were falling behind on some paperwork and Tim had just left and I wanted some extra hours.  When I got to the office, i grabbed my laptop, a stack of papers, and headed to the back business office.  Within minutes of sitting down, my phone rang with a number I recognized as "important," but couldn't, for the life of me, remember whose number it was.  I answered hesitantly, a much lower, less bubbly voice than I normally reserve for Noel, our social worker.  

Of course, it was Noel, our social worker.

She asked me to check my e-mail right away.  She had just sent me details about a special needs baby in California.  We've gotten calls like this from her before; calls asking if we're willing to have our profile book shown in "special circumstances," like out-of-state or special needs.  In this case, it was both!

Elizabeth was born on 11/3/11, and was diagnosed on 12/6/11 with Optic Nerve Hypoplasia.  The optic nerve is underdeveloped, and it can cause vision problems or blindness, hormone deficiencies, and brain damage.  In Elizabeth's case, the biggest symptom so far is her vision.  For the time being, she has been declared blind.  To what degree, we won't know until we meet her, talk with her doctors, and wait it out a couple years.  From the little research we've done, we learned that most children experience visual improvement within the first  2-3 years of life.  We're not "banking" on that happening, but of course hope and pray that it will.

As far as other possible issues, Elizabeth's doctors are optimistic that developmental delays and brain damage will not be severe, because she's growing extremely well and is a very happy, well-adjusted baby.  She eats well, pulls herself up, and is developing in an age-appropriate manner.

So Tim (having just left home for 2 days) and I (without the computer that Tim took to Pastor's Conference) had to decide Monday night if we wanted our profile book shipped to California the next day for consideration in Elizabeth's case.  I quick printed off a few handouts before I left work, but we had very little to base this decision off of.  Looking back, that was probably best. No matter how much we learn about ONH, none of it matters until we talk to HER doctors about HER.  And this decision is about so much more than a disorder: it's about a beautiful baby girl, it's about two parents ready to love her, it's about faith in God.

So the next morning I e-mailed Noel back, agreeing to have our book sent.  It had taken us a matter of minutes to decide, but I wanted to sleep and pray on it overnight.

Friday, April 20
is the date we had been given for when the profile showing would take place.  I was a complete wreck that day.  I had taken off work and was flying to Milwaukee that morning for a baby shower the next day (a flight for $120, who can argue with that against the price of gas?!?) It KILLED me to turn off my phone for that 45-minute flight. I waited and waited and waited for news all day.  Noel is fantastic about contacting us as soon as she hears anything, so I knew I could trust her.  Finally about 7:30 that night, I started thinking clearly and realized it was highly unlikely a decision would be made in one day.  We'd probably hear something on Monday.

So Monday I was a wreck again.  And we didn't hear anything.  "Maybe we'll hear on Friday... maybe they wanted to take a week to decide."

Still nothing Friday.

Everything felt different about this showing.  We've had our book shown before, and I've been able to relax as we wait it out.  This time I could NOT STOP thinking about Elizabeth all day, every day.  Wondering how you teach a blind baby to do this and that.  Wondering if I will need to leave my job that I love and stay home with her.  Wondering what she looks like, smells like, what she would feel like cuddled up against my chest.  


Monday, April 30
Two weeks had gone by and we still hadn't heard anything.  I had promised the girls at work that I would call Noel this day and ask if she had heard anything.  I really didn't want to "push" her for info because, like I said, she is wonderful and I trust that she'd tell us the MOMENT she heard anything.  

I chickened out and never called Noel.  I decided I would call tomorrow instead.  


We had waited until the last possible moment to hear about Elizabeth, but we really needed to get ourselves registered for our Marathon and Half Marathon on May 19 that we'd been training for.  The price would go up on May 1, and I had put it off long enough.  We couldn't plan our lives around a baby that most likely is not ours.  I registered at 10:30 p.m.


Tuesday, May 1
 In a funk about not having heard anything yet, yet feeling "free" after registering for the race the night before, I sat down at the computer on my lunch hour and started an outline for my last blog post, "Six Months Already." Tuesday was the six-month anniversary of our "Waiting Family" status.  When I sat down, I intended just to journal about our last six months.  As I began to outline, my "funk" took over and I proceeded to flavor the journaling effort with jabs about the advantages of being childless.  None of which I regret, they're all true feelings that I have, which is why I decided to finish writing and publish it later that night, hours after hearing the news.


The news: Noel called as I had just begun to type.  Simultaneously, my heart beat straight out of my chest, dropped to the floor, and flew into the sky.  I tried so hard to appear calm as I answered the phone.  I don't know who I thought I was kidding.  Noel has adopted before and she knew exactly how skittish I was.  She sounded happy, excited, different than when she usually calls.  And for good reason: she had the most wonderful news.  Elizabeth would be ours.  We had been chosen.

She had no other information at the time and hadn't had much contact with the social worker in California.  She would let us know new information as soon as possible.

We had champagne that night to celebrate.  Tim wanted to go out to eat, but I put my foot down and we ate leftover meatloaf.  We're parents now; we have to think differently about our budget.  And we've got a massive, unbudgeted trip to California this month.


Wednesday, May 2
I started carrying a piece of paper with me everywhere, now ratty, dirty, and smudged with coffee.  I can't shut off my brain, whether I'm working, sleeping, or running.  It's all Elizabeth, all the time.  I need a place to write down random questions, resources I come across, phone numbers, my to-do list.

Tim and I decided that we need a couple weeks before we can travel.  As much as we want to get out there immediately, we need to buy stuff and start lining up a medical team and get health insurance straightened out and clean the house REALLY well for all our guests we'll have once we get home :)  And plan a trip.  And plan a 1-2 week absence from church!


Thursday, May 3 (Elizabeth is 6 months old today!)
Noel called again.  She had a little more information, but not much.  She informed me that the California pregnancy counselor would be starting the Interstate Adoption paperwork right away, hopefully shortening our stay once we actually get out there.  Also, she had a phone number for Dede, the woman that has been caring for Elizabeth since 2 days old.  She gave me this number at 1:30.  I finally worked up the courage to call at 9:30.  Well, that and I had to finish my shift at work, go to Bible Study, eat supper, and pace and hyperventilate for a while.

Dede didn't answer, but her voicemail voice was warm and confident and she sounded amazing.  I told her to call me back anytime and to disregard the time difference.  I haven't been sleeping since Tuesday, anyway.


She called about 11:30 and she is wonderful.  I want to adopt her, too.  But she's our parents' age... so that probably wouldn't work :) She and her husband completely adore Elizabeth and have done a wonderful job with her.  I got to hear her giggling and shrieking in the background as I talked with Dede.  As of her last check-up, she was 45th - 50th percentile in all her measurements.  She already has her bottom 2 teeth! She eats like a pro, just started rice cereal, and will be starting veggies next week after her 6-month check-up. She just started wearing 9-month clothes.  She smiles and laughs all the time and loves to play peek-a-boo.  She loves music, being rocked, and raking her little fingernails over different textures.  I think she's going to really love her soft, fluffy dog-brothers.


Dede also gave me a little background on the birth parent story.  I only know bits and pieces, and don't feel comfortable sharing at this time.  Ultimately her story is hers, but it's now intertwined with ours in the most beautiful way, and I thank God daily that she chose to give life to this precious baby girl.


We talked about all kinds of things for about a half an hour.  Then I woke Tim up so he could share my joy as Dede began to text us picture after picture of beautiful Elizabeth, from one day old to present.  She is completely gorgeous and we are so in love with her already.  I wish I could share a picture today, I SOOOOOO wish I could, but I feel I should clear that with Noel before I put pictures on Facebook or the blog, and I haven't heard back from her. 


I didn't sleep until after 4:30.  After all the pictures came in I was wide awake; it was like 1 in the afternoon instead of 1 in the morning.  So I e-mailed family in the middle of the night to share the news.  I tried to go back to bed about 2, but her smiling face kept running through my mind and my mind was in overdrive.  Tim fell back asleep quickly; I was super-jealous.  Finally about 3:15 I decided to shower so I could sleep longer in the morning.  Then I watched American Idol, ate some strawberries, and FINALLY went to bed for a couple hours at about 4:30.


I guess that's what I get for missing the sleepless newborn months, and the first 2 teeth.


Friday, May 4
Friday was a sleep-deprived, joyful blur as I worked all day and got texts, voicemails, and message after message from ecstatic family members.  On my lunch break I bought some Tazo Calm tea and melatonin.  I had a 12-mile run scheduled for Saturday and needed to sleep the night before attempting it! After work I quick went to Target for some house stuff and was sucked in like a magnet to the clearance baby clothes.  Mom: Elizabeth already has a dress for Jason and Kaili's wedding in June.  Don't buy one :) Other family: Dede has offered us anything we want from Elizabeth's baby gear, so our registry is hopelessy inaccurate.  I'll update it as soon as she and I e-mail about what we will be bringing/shipping home.

Just before going to bed, I texted Dede a couple photos of the nursery, in exchange for all the gorgeous photos she had sent me the night before.  We talked back and forth for a bit, and I got more information on where in California everyone is located, and how much travel we will actually be doing while we are out there at our various appointments. 


Today and Onward
Today I woke up after sleeping like a rock for 11 straight hours (thank you melatonin!!!) not feeling at all like I'm capable of running 12 miles today.  I'm going to try to work it in tomorrow or Monday morning, and just do 4 or 5 today.

I ate a lovely breakfast, downed 2 cups of coffee, and started typing this joyful update for all of you to see.  I am feeling so blessed and excited to share.  I can't wait to hear all your questions and comments.  We are so blown away by God's grace and mercy, and are so excited to move forward with this chapter of our lives.

We hope to travel on Sunday, May 20.  We'll run our races in Fargo the day before, travel home, and fly out the next afternoon after church. Not that we're staying here JUST to run Fargo; we just don't think we'll be ready by the 13th.  And we want to leave on a Sunday afternoon because that allows Tim to be gone for 10-12 days, only needing a guest preacher for one service.  I ran the date by Dede and it seems okay with her, so we just need to know from everyone else involved if that date is practical as far as paperwork and other appointments.  We hope, since the paperwork has already been started, to be home before the end of May.  Our second nephew is due on May 29!!! Gamma and Papa Redfield (as Jacob calls them) are in for a whirlwind week at the end of May! 


We'll be telling both our churches tomorrow after services.  SO excited for that! Those of you St. Paul's and St. Peter's members who read this... guess you got a sneak peek!


We will keep you all posted as soon as more information becomes clear.  I think the blog is the easiest way because I can go on and on and on as I have today... but we'll always link it to Facebook.  We get new details every day, but some of them are cloudy and unclear.  So I'll try to do updates once or twice a week with information that is "solid."


Blessings to you all! God is so good!

Six Months Already?

Can it really be May already? I've been turning the calendar pages, watching the weather change, and getting excited for the season finales of my favorite TV shows.  But MAY? May 1 marks six months since the glorious fall day I drove to the Cities, hand-delivered our profile books to our adoption agency, wrote out a big, fat check, treated myself to a gigantic Pumpkin Spice Latte, and drove home through the gorgeous fall colors with a goofy grin and a song of hope in my heart.  On November 1, we became a "Waiting List Family." That's a BIG DEAL.  That's the point when the phrases "average wait time," "any day now," and "I'm going out of my mind" actually mean something.

I'm skipping over a couple steps in my quest to educate my dear family and friends about the journey of Domestic Infant Adoption.  I've hardly scratched the surface of the paperwork and fundraising and soul-searching we did to get to November 1. But, in honor of today's little anniversary, let's just page ahead a few chapters, maybe peek at the pictures of what the months have been like.

The chapter about the waiting period is entitled "Thankful." Thankful to be done with paperwork. Thankful for the cute little Christmas and Easter and "because-we-felt-like-it" presents that Baby Redfield has begun to acquire.  Thankful for the courage to share our journey with others, which grows each time I post and get blown away by how much our family and friends love us and are praying for us.  Thankful for friends, old and new, struggling with some of the same issues I have, sharing their stories with me and letting me know how much my willingness to share has helped them.  They have no idea how much they have helped me, too :)

So those are the happy days, the "up" days.  These six months have included plenty of downer days, too.  I get pretty mopey from time to time.  And panicked.  And ungrateful.  And I really hate when I get like that, because my head knows that I have PLENTY to be thankful for, even while I sit and wait indefinitely for my heart's greatest desire.  So maybe, just maybe, if I write down some of these "thankful thoughts," I can turn back to them next time I get cranky, and snap out of it a little more quickly.  And maybe, just maybe, some of these "thankful thoughts" can help ease the pain and share a laugh or two with the above-mentioned friends who wait, and wait, and wait as I do.

Maybe a laugh or two from my my already-parent-friends, as well... as they think back to carefree, simpler days gone by :)

November 1 - Thankful for Starubucks and Sleep

Today I am thankful that I can afford Starbucks.  Not every day, mind you.  But more easily than I imagine I'll be able to in a year or two.  I'm pretty stingy about the budget, and I don't see that loosening once Baby comes.  I hardly slept a wink last night, knowing that today I would take this beautiful drive to do this VERY exciting thing that we have been waiting and waiting to do, turn in our books and become a "Waiting Family." It's so lovely knowing that "not being able to sleep" is a rarity at this time. Usually I sleep quite well, thank you very much. And when I have a little trouble now and then, I love that I can turn to Starbucks to help me through it.

December 1 - Thankful for Open Bathroom Doors

Having everyone for Thanksgiving was so fun, and made me really excited with all these thoughts of "by next Thanksgiving..." Shopping on Black Friday and Saturday was really fun, too... I was way more intrigued by baby stuff than Christmas gifts, since I am starting to think about our baby registry.  But seriously, as excited as I am, I just spent four days with an 18-month-old, and I am exhausted.  He is into EVERYTHING!!! For today, I am thankful that I can vacuum up the tufts of dog hair when I have time or when I feel like it, not immediately for fear my child will eat them.  And I don't yet have to baby-gate the entire house.  Or remember to close the bathroom door.  Plenty to be thankful for.

Our sweet nephew Jacob, 18 months at Thanksgiving, literally into everything!

January 1 - Thankful for Easy Travel

I simply cannot believe how loaded down this car was for Family Christmas Road Trip.  On the way out to Wisconsin, we barely had an inch to spare between presents, luggage, and dog supplies.  The trip back was a little more spacious, but not much.  We really love traveling with our doggies, and it takes so little time and thought to get them ready for a road trip.  They sleep the whole way, and we really only have to stop and let them out once between our house and Oconomowoc.  One of these days we're going to need a new vehicle when we travel, to make room for a carseat between all the presents and luggage and dog supplies.  And a U-Haul for the extra baby gear.  And hours and hours to think about and pack every last baby thing we will need while away from home.  Sigh.  Dogs are so easy.

Charlie and Sam love road trips as much as we do!

February 1 - Thankful for Football and Running

The Super Bowl is days away and I still refuse to watch a minute of it.  The Giants and Patriots? Seriously? Barf.  But at least this year I have a choice in the matter.  Next year when, not if, WHEN my beloved Packers return to the Super Bowl, I still may not watch even a minute, because Baby wants to play or scream or eat.  Who knows? How wonderful it is to zone out for an entire Sunday afternoon, knock back a couple beers, and watch hours and hours of football.  And scream at the TV without having to worry about scaring a little one.  Although it is quite fun to make the dogs jump out of their skin when Finley drops a pass.

Also in the past month, we finished our Insanity videos and started run-training again for our races in May.  Tim will be doing a marathon again and I'll be doing a half.  For now, our training runs are not too intense.  But we still have to make the time to run 4-5 days a week.  And come April and May, we'll be running for HOURS on Saturdays.  I often question how this will work with a baby in the house.  I have no answer.  Just keep running and being thankful that, for today, I can do my thing!

March 1 - Thankful for Winter Adventures

We just got back from SUCH a fun vacation up north and unanimously (the two of us and both dogs) declared it the first ANNUAL late-winter trip to the North Shore.  We excitedly called our families and tried to feel out who would be interested in joining us next year.  We thought about a larger cabin for everybody, rather than smaller hotel suites.  Then it hit me, what do people DO on vacation with baby? No all-day hiking in the winter cold, no 10-hour movie marathons waiting out a snowstorm, no grabbing the camera and quick running outside without a thought because something is beautiful, no falling asleep in the jacuzzi, no peacefully sipping lattes and enjoying 30 minutes of absolutely nothing to do. Not if we want to travel by ourselves, anyway.  We will definitely need to bring an army of family along, pack up the aforementioned U-Haul with baby gear, and learn how to "relax" very differently.

Maybe we can still winter-hike with Baby? Probably not for 8 hours, though.

April 1 - Thankful for Airplanes

It took me a while to get comfortable going away on weekends without Tim.  I know he works really hard and needs to get away, so the first year we were here I always felt I needed to stay home with him.  But he understands that I need to get away, and especially once we have kids, I will take off from time to time and go visit the Grandmas and Grandpas without him.  But in these pre-baby days, I am so thankful for the luxury of airplanes.  The price of gas is so freaking high, sometimes a single plane ticket is cheaper than driving a thirteen-hour round trip.  Once Baby comes, it might not be an option.  But for now, how amazing is it that I can fly to Chicago to visit Sara or Milwaukee to get a Jacob fix?

Visiting my dear friend Sara and her family in Chicago in March.

May 1 - Thankful for Alone Time

I have a feeling my posts are about to get much shorter, once Baby comes.  And fewer and farther between.  Maybe not.. I HOPE not... but I just have a feeling.  For today, I'm thankful for an hour of quiet alone with my thoughts, once or twice a month, to share with the world how blessed I am, and how blessed I'm about to become.