Being a mom is pretty much the easiest thing ever.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
No, I’m not trying to use a sensationally ridiculous
headline to generate lots of traffic to my blog after a four-month hiatus from
writing any new material. There are, in
fact, a number of reasons I genuinely believe this to be true. And many, many more reasons I believe it to
be completely false. YES, I know
mothering, fathering, grandparenting, teaching, and generally the process of
raising children is extremely challenging and for most of us who do it, we
consider it to be the hardest thing we will ever do. And in this week leading up to Mother’s Day,
you have undoubtedly seen and maybe even read a long parade of posts about how
impossibly hard it is to be a mom.
I don’t disagree. I’ve
been there. I’ve written That Post
NUMEROUS times myself. Like here and here and
here. It is SO hard. And the hard is
good. The hard grows us up, strengthens
us, brings us closer to Jesus. The hard
times make the good times AWESOME.
There are things, though, that are just so easy. So natural.
Such a blessing. And on this day
of days that we set aside to raise a glass to Mom, I (being the awkward
introvert who gets twitchy with too much attention and is most comfortable
speaking up from behind a computer screen) would like to turn that Mother’s Day
spotlight on my sweet daughter, my incredibly supportive family and friends,
and my Savior Jesus… all the ones who help to make Momming easy. Or “easier,” I guess, than it would have been
without them :)
The first thing that makes this whole Mom thing easier is
that I WANT it. There are many
beautiful, strong, completely valid women in this world who DON’T want it. Maybe not for now, or maybe not ever. And that’s perfectly okay. For me… I want it. I’ve wanted it for a long time. I believe that desire is a gift from God, just
like any other gift He gives to some and not to others. You NEED the want and willingness to get
through some of those days that are just crap.
Heaven knows that want tore me up inside for the many years we were
wanting but not receiving. Many others I
know are STILL wanting. They are waiting
for the right person to even start a family.
Or they are waiting for medical answers.
They are waiting to meet the face thousands of miles away that they
already call “son” or “daughter.” They are waiting for the grief of miscarriage
or infant loss to ease, enough to breathe again, enough to hope again. We wait.
We WANT. And it’s the WANT that
gets us through.
Others don’t have to face that trial. Their wants line up with God’s wants and
bing-bang-boom, they fall in love and babies come along just as easy as can
be. And then they move along through their
perfect lives and never experience an ounce of frustration along the way,
right? Ha ha ha, once again. I see you, “normal”
moms, and I know that your life is far from normal. I know your life is far from easy. Yes, you were able to carry a baby in your
tummy and I wasn’t. But the differences
stop there. We all struggle. We all fight day in and day out. But we all WANT it. And we’re all incredibly blessed.
When you want something, when you TRULY want it with all
your heart and soul, you fight for it and you make it yours. You live your life as if you have no other
choice. When God gives you the joyful
gift of wanting to be a mom, it becomes your everything. It becomes your focus and the center of your
values and goals, whether it takes you two months or two years or ten years or
an entire lifetime. Your children may be
biological, or adopted, or neither – just extra-special people that God brought
as a blessing into your life to fill your Mom heart. But no matter how we become moms, that WANT to
be a mom is such a special gift. It
pulls us through a lot of dark, dark days and makes the fight a whole lot
easier.
Speaking of making it easier… my life is filled with so many
gifts from God in the form of dear, dear family members and friends who daily
encourage me, pray for me, and show thoughtfulness and the love of Jesus in
countless other ways. Back five years
ago when Tim and I were feeling that God-given WANT but had nothing to show for
it, I held a lot inside for a very long time.
But each time I opened the door to my heart just the tiniest bit and let
someone in, I was blessed far beyond what I could have imagined, with prayers
and hugs and tears and glasses of wine.
And UNDERSTANDING. That was the
best part. And it became easier each
time to creeeeeak open the door to my heart a little wider. As time went on I was blessed to share my own
experiences with others who were hurting.
For a few, I got to be the very first one that THEY opened up to, and
each time my own heart opened a little wider.
SO blessed.
Then we got Libby.
Oh, sweet Libby. Oh, screaming,
confusing, terrifying Libby. She’s a
baby. They’re ALL a little terrifying. She’s a little extra-terrifying simply
because she’s a little extra-terrifIED, a lost and confused little sweet pea in
a crazy and beautiful world that she can’t see even a bit of. I have never been shy about how hard THIS
stage of my life has been. I had already
opened up my soul throughout infertility and adoption. I already knew that the amount of pain it
takes to share one’s struggle with Christian friends is returned a hundredfold
in GOODNESS and LOVE. And so I
share. Sometimes more than I
should. Occasionally to educate. More often than not, to gather words of support
and encouragement. Because I SO NEED
IT. And y’all never disappoint. Today (which has been a pretty great day, don’t
get me wrong) and especially those other days I just want to go back to bed and
cry, THANK YOU for your words of encouragement and your jokes and your gifts of
chocolate and alcohol. YOU make this Mom
thing easy. I see little bits and pieces
of the so-called “Mommy Wars” each day.
But I also see love and encouragement abounding, way more than all that
other junk. I hope you see it, too, and I pray the Lord opens my eyes to ways I
can help you by personally bringing joy directly to you.
And that sweet Libby face… that makes it easy. Oh, she also knows how to make a lot of not-so-sweet faces (and noises and gestures and smells). But even after one of those days when I start counting the minutes to bedtime even before nap time, my heart swells with joy and love to look at that sweet face (with her eyes closed and snoring softly). All jokes aside, she is my life’s greatest joy. That smile, her shining curls, her belly laughs, her grit and determination in the face of struggles she doesn’t even know that she has… she makes LIFE easier. Sure, she might make Momming harder some of the time… ahem, MOST of the time… but life? She truly makes it easier. She gives me perspective. She strengthens me. She motivates me. She makes me lose my mind but in doing so leads me back to Jesus, the only one in whom I can find it again.
God gave me this WANT to be a mom. For a while, it hurt because it was intangible. Slowly it stung less and less because He
placed amazing people around me and guided them to encourage me. THEN, finally, miraculously, graciously… He
gave me Libby. My job is to love her.
And if that’s being a mom… then being a mom is pretty much
the easiest thing ever.
