Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Last Set of Molars


There was a time I shed a tear or two or five minutes’ worth over the fact that I missed Libby’s first tooth.  There was a lot I missed in the seven months that passed before I held her, and as hard as I KNOW those early months are, and as grateful as I am for those seven extra months of decent sleep… you understand.  I’m positive none of you parents would trade away even the worst of days in exchange for missing entire months of your child’s life.

Then we brought her home and she cut a few more teeth.  It was not fun.  Not even a little.  Well, maybe a LITTLE but only because I had always wanted to experience that parent bonding thing where I go somewhere with bloodshot eyes and rumpled hair after a sleepless night and just be able to explain to another parent “Yeah, teething…” and not have to say another word but have them nod in complete understanding and agreement.

Until the eye teeth come in.  THEN nothing about it is fun.  Nothing about ANYTHING is fun.  Putting a (finally) sleeping baby to bed after a day of screaming is not fun because suddenly the house is quiet for the first time in hours and you realize the screaming is still going on in your head and probably will keep you awake all night.  You look at your spouse on the other end of the couch.  He is holding a beer to his lips but has been staring into space for about five minutes and his beer is still full.  He has either lost the strength to tip up the bottle, or has forgotten how swallow. Or both. Probably both. You would ask him, but he probably won’t be able to hear you over the screaming in your head.  You would ask YOURSELF why you EVER shed a single tear over missing the first tooth, but you might punch yourself in the face for even asking the question, so you don’t.

You’ve been there.  Maybe not teething.  Maybe not even kids! We’ve all experienced that thing where something we once LONGED FOR, just HAD to have, became sour and awful and instead we LONG for it to just go away and leave us in peace.

(I do not want my daughter to go away and leave me in peace.  I love her very much.  Just the teething thing.  She can live without teeth, right?)

So have you ever had the exact opposite happen? You suddenly realize that something you once considered sour and awful has become sweet and wonderful?  That happened to me when I realized in my late 20’s that I AM a pickle person.  I always thought I hated them! Then the Packers went to the Super Bowl (because that’s my frame of reference for everything) and we threw a party and someone brought a jar of these faaaaaabulous pickles that are all crisp and delicious and turned my world upside down.  Or maybe my pre-pickle days were actually the upside down part of my life and now my world is right side up.  That sounds better.  And also that way the juice from my delicious pickles won’t spill all over.

Libby still isn’t talking really.  She says “Mom” and “Dada” occasionally, but not on command, only when she feels like it.  So…. a perfectly normal kid in regard to obstinacy ;) Oh, and she DEFINITELY knows how to say “no.” She has also mastered screaming it and shrieking it over and over successively like “nanananananananananana!!!” Other than that, her speech development has been slooooooow going.  Boy, does she make some beautiful sounds when she sings and babbles and speaks to us in her own little ever-developing language.  But no English yet.

Sometimes I view speech as this far-off light at the end of the tunnel, and all these other developmental delays we are struggling through will someday magically resolve when Libby learns to talk and she and I can have a rational conversation about all the things that currently make her scream and cry for no apparent reason.  But then I spend like ten seconds with any other kid on the planet and remember that speech is not the big red Easy button from the Staples commercials.  Speech is not a magic fix like singing the jingle in the State Farm commercials. Speech is not…

I watch too much TV.

(And I usually fast-forward the commercials. Huh.)

Anyway, when I’m not making silly excuses or wallowing in self-pity, I KNOW that speech is not going to solve all our problems.  Because what do kids learn QUICKLY once they learn speech? They learn to MANIPULATE speech.  They listen to grown-ups play around with tone of voice and inflection.  They hear us lie and gossip and they hear awful words come out of our mouths, radios, and televisions.

So yeah, my kid is almost three and still doesn’t talk.  It will probably be years before she can tell me what hurts or that she loves me or what she is willing to trade in exchange for STOP SCREAMING. But this – now – where we’re at… I’ve come to not hate it.  In fact, I’ve kind of come to love it.  Everything she gives me is 100% honest, heartfelt emotion.   She is not playing around with me.  She kind of sort of knows about “lying” just a little bit because we play this game where I say “Where’s your tummy?” and she points to her head on purpose just to get a big, silly reaction out of me.  But other than that, she is honest and true.  And I figure it can’t HURT for her to have all this extra time to develop the gift of being straightforward.  Maybe we could ALL use a little extra practice with that ;)

I conducted an informal poll on facebook last week, looking for some other ideas about things people used to hate but now have come to love.  Hope you can relate to one or two – or just have a good laugh:

  • Naps (yes, please!)
  • Raspberry kool-aid *and I quote* “the original formula, not the stuff they now try to pass as raspberry” J
  • High school choir concerts – how boring the rehearsals were and sitting uncomfortably on the bleachers waiting for the concert to end.  But oh, how we miss that music now!
  • Another great one I must quote word for word: “My figure.  When we’re younger we don’t realize what we have.  Our skin is tighter, metabolism higher… and yet we could always find something to criticize.  15 years and 4 kids later, it’s hard to wrap your head around how different this body looks, and you regret how little you appreciated it before.”
  • Coffee (another yes, please!)
  • Running (for fun – gasp!)
  • Being carded for alcohol purchases – that one was me.  Oh, how I LOATHED being carded at the tender age of 21.  How DARE they? Can’t they tell I am 21 and 2 days old? ;) Now I’m all, “Hey, I’m going out to buy alcohol, let’s leave the baby at home and put on a college sweatshirt and not make eye contact with the clerk in an effort to PLEASE get them to card me FOR THE LOVE. It’s kind of a fun game.
  • The peace of taking a shower (from a mom of little boys)
  • Girls  (from a guy who just celebrated his fifteenth wedding anniversary and means it in the funniest and non-creepiest of ways.  Had me a good laugh over that one.)
  • Being alone (from a mom of TWO sets of twins under three *mom-brains exploding everywhere*)
  • Cleaning the house - well, personally I still kind of hate that one but to each his own, RACHEL! :)
And let me close out the list by returning full-circle to teething.  Awful, dreadful teething.  Except, you know what? This is it.  This is THE LAST SET of teeth.  Once these cut through, when she gets crabby and irrational, I won’t be able to excuse it as “teething” as I’ve been doing for the last two years straight. When I look at that tear-stained, teething face, I KNOW she hurts and she’s not just having a tantrum and I’m able to handle those difficult moments with so much more grace and patience.  I almost kind of love teething because, for once, I have my kid all figured out.  And also she wants to cuddle.  All day cuddling. She’s never been much of a cuddler.  But MAN, she’s like the jaws of life these days the way she clamps onto us when we try to put her to bed.  She wants us.  She NEEDS us.  And this Mama heart needs her to need me.  This Mama heart is just eating up all those cuddles.  This Mama heart is feeling just a little sad about this being the last set of molars.

(And the answer is NO, I do not/will not ever need to fill the void by bringing home YOUR teething child.  But thanks J )