Confessions, Part Two (Part Two)

I started this post earlier today, but, you know… the Packers. 

 

 If you missed it, here’s Confessions, Part 2 (Part One) from prior to demolishing the Redskins. 

TEN THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME ABOUT RAISING LIBBY, continued
Part Two - Added Bonuses: More Than We Bargained For

5.       Vacation Heaven.  Seven years ago we were newlyweds.  We didn’t have much, but we had dreams.  One dream was TRAVEL.  We couldn’t afford to dream of international travel, or even jet-setting around the U.S.  But we could road-trip with the best of them.  I could pack food and camping gear for an entire two weeks into our Chevy Malibu, WITH room for a 75-lb dog and all HIS gear, too.  I was just that good.  We wanted to see all 50 states.  SOMEDAY we would have enough money to fly to Alaska and Hawaii.  But until then, we would drive, drive, drive our way through park after park, landmark after landmark.  We hit Tennessee on our honeymoon, Arkansas for a family vacation, and Colorado for a friend’s wedding.  Even in our home states of Wisconsin and then Minnesota, we enjoyed fun adventures to Door County and the North Shore so that we could add to our “count.” I asked Tim to set aside some vacation and I started planning a nice, long road trip through New England for the fall colors.  But before it ever came to be, God blessed us with our little co-pilot.  Who happened to come from a pretty gorgeous part of a pretty gorgeous state.  SERIOUSLY, people, check out California’s Central Coast. 

       75-80 degrees year-round, sweeping ocean views, beautiful mountains, small towns and charming wineries, a comfortable drive from either L.A. or San Francisco.  AND we have free lodging, dining, and babysitting from Gene and Dede, who count the days until our next trip more carefully than even I do.  So we may never see all 50 states, or if we do, it’s going to take a good, long while.  Because California has won our hearts and has become our destination of choice.

6.       Have a Drink.  SPEAKING of wine, never in my life have I been so ENCOURAGED to drink as in the year since I became a mom.  I wonder if maybe I blow off steam and frustration a little too often on Facebook, because I’m constantly hearing “have a beer,” “have a glass of wine,” “go out for a drink,” not just from my mommy friends, but my from my own mom, and from my GRANDMA for Pete’s sake.  Not that I’m complaining.  When the family arrives for a visit with bottles of wine or a case of beer, I don’t argue.  I remember as a kid, telling my mom to relax.  I could tell when we were starting to stress her out.  I like that everybody's telling ME to relax now.  Last time my mom came, she brought wine AND the ingredients for an aromatherapy foot soak.I could get used to this.  #mommyperks

7.       Becoming Organized and Somewhat Clean.  Ask any of my former roommates, cleanliness and organization: NOT my strong suit.  Don’t ask my mom.  She’ll exaggerate :) Love you, Mommy.  It KIND OF helped when we moved from a small second-floor apartment to the large house I described in great detail earlier.  We had space to spread out and everything we owned had its place.  But that doesn’t mean it STAYED in place.  And also we bought more stuff.  So generally, preparing for company was a week-long ordeal of cleaning and re-organizing and cobweb destruction. 

As we began to prepare for a little one, we got a little better.  I set a cleaning schedule and “kind of” stuck to it, knowing that someday soon, a little one on hands and knees would be licking the kitchen floor, regardless of how long since I had last mopped it.  I cleared massive amounts of unnecessary STUFF out of our house during our adoption-fundraiser rummage sale.  Then we found out the little one would be blind.  And I had to take it to a whole. new. level.

We think seriously about structure and routine, placement and home organization.  None of these are strengths or gifts that come naturally to us, but they are essential when raising a blind child who is about to become mobile.  I have a feeling we’re closing in on walking before the end of the year.  Once that happens, the furniture cannot move.  It will become more than a layout.  To Libby, furniture is part of the floorplan, the permanent blueprint that marks her path from place to place.  So I better like the angle of my couch before she starts to walk, and learns to count the steps from that couch to her toy box.  We think all these creative ways we could organize her “touch-and-feel” closet, to give her the independence of picking out her own outfits with the confidence of knowing she doesn’t look like a dork.  We think about how psycho-organized the kitchen will need to be when she learns to cook.  Even her toys – I’m all Crazy Mama about what people call her toys.  I went so far as to buy an electronic labelmaker so that I can label her toys with the correct terminology that she is familiar with, and people don’t confuse her when they come over and play with her.  She has this sweet little mermaid doll whose name is (very originally) “Mermaid.” It drives me bananas when well-intentioned outsiders call it “Dolly” or something else.  Or her cat-shaped keyboard that she plays with all the time.  It’s called “Kitty Piano” or “Kitty” for short.  Not “piano,” to be confused with the full-sized upright in the other room.  Not “Cat Piano,” as she has no CLUE what a “cat” is.  Yikes.  I’m “That Mom,” aren’t I? :)

 

8.       Babying my Baby. When she first came home to us, I grieved a little for those first seven months we had missed, full of firsts and tiny baby snuggles. 



Still in the hospital

       She seemed to be growing so quickly out of the “baby” stage.  But as she approached 8-9 months and the developmental milestones begin to rely more heavily on sight, she started to slow down.  I panicked at first.  She had been doing so well with Gene and Dede! Why was she falling behind now that that she was with us? How could I get her caught up?  Between PT, OT, a full Special Ed team, and a growing collection of physicians, surely we could keep her on track with all the “What To Expect The First Year” babies!

It took a few months for me to calm the heck down and learn to go with the flow… Libby’s flow.  She is always going to dance to her own beat.  She’s going to be a little behind, maybe a LOT behind, for quite some time.  She might have to do school differently or more slowly than other kids.  And not only is that okay… it’s actually the answer to my prayers.  I may have missed seven months, but God has graciously stretched out the “baby” years extra-long for Tim and me.  She doesn’t walk, so I still get to carry and stroller her everywhere without worrying about her running into the street.  And she’s still a slim and trim 22 pounds at 22 months, so carrying a toddler everywhere is not as difficult as you might imagine.  She is JUST learning to stand up in her crib and has no interest in attempting to escape it.  She still loves to have her “baba” before bed, and I snuggle in with her on the couch, holding her just like a little baby, while she suck-suck-sucks away.  She’s still not very interested in or capable of self-feeding at mealtimes, so the high chair, surrounding floor, and Libby’s face stay relatively clean compared to the mass destruction I have witnessed other young children inflict upon the ten-foot radius around a high chair.  Yes, I still struggle from time to time with being anxious for her to “catch up,” but mostly I take advantage of our unique situation and enjoy babying my baby for as long as I can.

9.       Cure for Social Awkwardness.  Tim and I are both quite awkward in certain social situations, especially those requiring Small Talk Skills.  We are homebodies at heart.  Tim has gotten better over the years as he works with people more and more, especially visiting elderly shut-ins. I, on the other hand, feel I have regressed a bit.  Things get quite awkward, quite fast, if I’m conversing with someone who doesn’t know how to keep it rolling.  Although our busy lives force us into frequent social situations, that doesn’t mean we’re entirely comfortable. 

And then Libby came along.  Our little golden-haired golden ticket of small talk.  Earlier this summer we attended a small wedding and didn’t know anyone but the groom.  Entering the reception, not knowing who we would eat dinner with, thinking it didn’t really matter because I didn’t know one person from the next… I was pretty nervous.  But Tim saw me sweating it out, gave me a reassuring look, and took the lead.  We sat down with another WELS pastor and his wife.  We worked our way through the initial banter of “where do you serve, when did you graduate, who do you know in the WELS,” which usually lasts 10-15 minutes, at which time our past selves would panic because we were out of things to talk about.  But things are different now.  When the conversation lulled, Tim said something to me about an upcoming doctor appointment for Libby, loud enough for the other couple to hear.  “Oh, do you have children?”  Jackpot.  Once that river began to run a little dry, he brought up her adoption.  And later, our ace in the hole: her vision impairment.  We kept it up for almost two hours with ZERO awkwardness.  And best of all, we really don’t have to say much.  Once people hear her story, they just ask so many questions on their own.  We just sit back and let them fire away.  Thank you, Libby, for helping get through something on my own that I’ve never been able to do without the assistance of alcohol.

Part Three: Incredibly Blessed

10.   There is so much that is truly “awesome” about having Libby in our lives.  Notice I didn’t label this a “Top Ten Things” list, just a “Ten Things” list.  I assumed (correctly) that in the three days it would take me to write this, I would think of at least fifty other things about Libby that are awesome and don’t fit on a list of ten.  Like how she insists upon being blow-dried, not towel-dried, after a bath.  Like how we need this toy with us at all times. 

Every meal.  Every church event.  Strapped into her stroller as we cruise through Target.  People hear us coming from aisles away.  I can’t count the number of times I have been asked where I got that “cool musical stroller.”

But the final item that makes The List today is this: Our Growing World.  I’ve written about it many times, I think and pray about it constantly, yet there are still moments when I shake my head in wonder.  So. many. blessings have become ours that we never expected.  Our world has grown to include masses of new people to love: new family (and THEIR friends and families), teachers and therapists who make weekly visits, fellow adoptive or BVI parents.  We have deeper, more meaningful relationships with our friends who WERE already parents – we understand better what they have been going through, a connection we wanted to badly, but just couldn’t make until Libby. Because of Libby, we have grown closer to friends that we were nearly out of touch with.  We feel so blessed when we hear her story being spread beyond our tiny personal circle, knowing that she is touching and healing lives, and that prayers are being raised for her by people we don’t even know.  Yes, it is pretty awesome having Libby around.  Life is loud and crazy and challenging, but she also makes it full and complete and beautiful.