Momming Through the Ugly

We read a Thanksgiving prayer in church yesterday that had this line in it:

 

And, as often happens to my sinful, distracted mind, my thoughts proceeded to take flight to other places far, far away from church and praying and thankfulness.

 

At first, I made a few jokes along the lines of “Ha! THAT’S a nice way of saying kids are CRAZY.”

 

Then I went to the wrong kind of thankful: “Thank GOD Libby doesn’t tear all over the house like Jacob and Lucas (my nephews, 3 and 1). I don’t know HOW Kristal and Justin (their parents) do it.”

 

Then I went to wistful: “Although… it sure would be nice if she WOULD, just once in a while.  I’d give anything for her to take some steps or show some enthusiasm for a new toy.”

 

Suddenly I was all gloom and doom and despair: “Seriously, are we EVER going to get through some of these milestones? Walking and talking and self-feeding and opening presents and general two-year-old joy and glee? Some days, God, I tell ya… I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.”

 

SO not the place God intended for me to go, with that one simple line of one simple prayer.

 

We all do it, though, don’t we? How many times per day do we miss out on opportunities to be thankful, because we’re so caught up in what we DON’T have? How many times have we completely lost sight of how good we have it, because we’re so busy checking out how good somebody else “seems” to have it?

 

Well, here’s a bit of news that’s not really news… because I think you already know it’s true.  NOBODY has it as good as they seem to have it.  The face we all put on for the world, the picture we paint for our facebook followers, is the prettiest one we can get away with before the ugly comes bursting through the seams.  We post our smiles and laughter and triumphs.  We admit we’re not perfect, and we share the lighter and more humorous of our shortcomings and frustrations.  But our deepest, darkest insecurities and fears, the moments that bring us to our knees in despair and pain and guilt… those moments we usually keep to ourselves.  Whenever you’re checking out how good somebody else has it, don’t forget that they’re hiding just as much hurt and humility as you are, deep down inside. 

 

We have been given SO MUCH on this earth that we don’t deserve. Despite that fact that our sinfulness screwed up the perfect world He created, God still gives us wonderful blessings to enjoy while we are here.  But those blessings, when placed in a sinful world, become tainted with sin themselves.  Sometimes those blessings make us crazy, jealous, and all kinds of other ugly. That’s the thing about this world.  Although it’s touched by God’s grace, and it has its moments of beauty and joy, they are only fleeting.  This world is not perfect, and it never will be.  It’s sin-tainted and ugly.  

 

Well, THAT’S reassuring.

 

Don’t worry.  There is an answer.  Hope in the form of a sweet, tiny baby, coming to earth in the most unassuming of ways.  Hope that soothes our pain and guilt. Hope that gets us through the darkest of days.  Hope that is for exhausted moms of insanely wild little boys as much as it is for worried moms of quiet, developmentally-delayed little girls.  Hope that is for ALL people.  Hope that is found in Jesus.

 

And Jesus promises us a place that IS perfect.  A place free from pain and guilt.  A place so bright and dazzling, we can’t begin to imagine it.  A place where nobody feels compelled to compare troubles with the next guy… because there ARE. NO. TROUBLES!!!

 

This place we live now is temporary.  Praise the LORD it’s temporary! Yes, it can be ugly.  But God wants us to take that ugly and USE it… to focus our desires heavenward.  To direct our thoughts to Him in prayer.  To share His message with everyone we meet, so that they, too, may enjoy the riches that He has prepared.  THERE. In that OTHER place.  Not here. Where sometimes, it really sucks.

 

I am a mama who worries constantly.  EVERYTHING new and different upsets my daughter.  Sometimes she just gets quiet.  Or the legendary pouty lip emerges.  Many times, it’s a total meltdown.  Because of this, we are hermits.  And even at home, we are not safe.  Pouring the dog food is scary.  Running the water too loudly is scary.  If somebody drops by and rings the doorbell, it is OVER.  And that’s just the start of my worry list.  It’s best if I just stop now.

 

I know a mama who has four littles under two.  FOUR. Under TWO. And ALL of them have endured or are enduring major medical issues.  One of them (six months old) is on oxygen and has an NG tube.  I don’t think this mama ever sleeps.

 

I know another mama whose 2-year-old had a major brain injury this past summer, and his development receded to that of a baby-baby.  After a month of hospitalization, and two more months of intense outpatient therapy (still ongoing) he has now mastered pulling to a stand and is using a just a few meaningful words.  Oh, and he has a twin sister.  Who is ALL the normal two-year-old crazy.  Oh, mama, how do you do it?

 

I know lots of mamas who are just. plain. exhausted. Because that’s what kids do to us.  These mamas go to work all day long, missing their kiddos and feeling guilty, and then come home to “enjoy” three hours of cooking and cleaning and sometimes yelling before bedtime comes all too soon.  Or they stay home and try (SO hard they try) to do these things during the day, and instead they spend the day refereeing and answering impossible questions.  And they never quite get to clean the messes that were there when the day began, because this happens:
 



 

Lol.  Many thanks to a great friend for letting me use this picture.  Because, as we've already established, I don't really have this problem with my kid who doesn't walk and hates noise ;)

 

Oh, mamas, it’s tough, isn’t it?  ALL our kids have “issues,” in some way.  So do their parents :)  And from time to time, we all play the “grass is greener” game, dreaming of the chance to live someone else’s life for just a day. 

 

But all the stress and gray hairs and ugly just reminds us where the grass is TRULY greener.  Not in your yard.  Not in my yard.  Nowhere here.

 

With Jesus.  Forever.

 

Talk to Him.  Share your worries with Him. Tell your littles, and everyone else you know, all about Him.  HE will get you through those awful days.  HE will rejoice with you on those good days, too.  And at the end, when you are weary and worn, HE will meet you with these words:

 

“Well done, good and faithful servant.”

 

So keep up the good work.  Keep on momming through the ugly.  Mama on.