Being a Mom is Pretty Much the Easiest Thing Ever

Being a mom is pretty much the easiest thing ever.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, I’m not trying to use a sensationally ridiculous headline to generate lots of traffic to my blog after a four-month hiatus from writing any new material.  There are, in fact, a number of reasons I genuinely believe this to be true.  And many, many more reasons I believe it to be completely false.  YES, I know mothering, fathering, grandparenting, teaching, and generally the process of raising children is extremely challenging and for most of us who do it, we consider it to be the hardest thing we will ever do.  And in this week leading up to Mother’s Day, you have undoubtedly seen and maybe even read a long parade of posts about how impossibly hard it is to be a mom. 

I don’t disagree.  I’ve been there.  I’ve written That Post NUMEROUS times myself.  Like here and here and here.  It is SO hard. And the hard is good.  The hard grows us up, strengthens us, brings us closer to Jesus.  The hard times make the good times AWESOME.

There are things, though, that are just so easy.  So natural.  Such a blessing.  And on this day of days that we set aside to raise a glass to Mom, I (being the awkward introvert who gets twitchy with too much attention and is most comfortable speaking up from behind a computer screen) would like to turn that Mother’s Day spotlight on my sweet daughter, my incredibly supportive family and friends, and my Savior Jesus… all the ones who help to make Momming easy.  Or “easier,” I guess, than it would have been without them :)

The first thing that makes this whole Mom thing easier is that I WANT it.  There are many beautiful, strong, completely valid women in this world who DON’T want it.  Maybe not for now, or maybe not ever.  And that’s perfectly okay.  For me… I want it.  I’ve wanted it for a long time.  I believe that desire is a gift from God, just like any other gift He gives to some and not to others.  You NEED the want and willingness to get through some of those days that are just crap.  Heaven knows that want tore me up inside for the many years we were wanting but not receiving.  Many others I know are STILL wanting.  They are waiting for the right person to even start a family.  Or they are waiting for medical answers.  They are waiting to meet the face thousands of miles away that they already call “son” or “daughter.” They are waiting for the grief of miscarriage or infant loss to ease, enough to breathe again, enough to hope again.  We wait.  We WANT.  And it’s the WANT that gets us through.

Others don’t have to face that trial.  Their wants line up with God’s wants and bing-bang-boom, they fall in love and babies come along just as easy as can be.  And then they move along through their perfect lives and never experience an ounce of frustration along the way, right? Ha ha ha, once again.  I see you, “normal” moms, and I know that your life is far from normal.  I know your life is far from easy.  Yes, you were able to carry a baby in your tummy and I wasn’t.  But the differences stop there.  We all struggle.  We all fight day in and day out.  But we all WANT it.  And we’re all incredibly blessed.

When you want something, when you TRULY want it with all your heart and soul, you fight for it and you make it yours.  You live your life as if you have no other choice.  When God gives you the joyful gift of wanting to be a mom, it becomes your everything.  It becomes your focus and the center of your values and goals, whether it takes you two months or two years or ten years or an entire lifetime.  Your children may be biological, or adopted, or neither – just extra-special people that God brought as a blessing into your life to fill your Mom heart.  But no matter how we become moms, that WANT to be a mom is such a special gift.  It pulls us through a lot of dark, dark days and makes the fight a whole lot easier.

Speaking of making it easier… my life is filled with so many gifts from God in the form of dear, dear family members and friends who daily encourage me, pray for me, and show thoughtfulness and the love of Jesus in countless other ways.  Back five years ago when Tim and I were feeling that God-given WANT but had nothing to show for it, I held a lot inside for a very long time.  But each time I opened the door to my heart just the tiniest bit and let someone in, I was blessed far beyond what I could have imagined, with prayers and hugs and tears and glasses of wine.  And UNDERSTANDING.  That was the best part.  And it became easier each time to creeeeeak open the door to my heart a little wider.  As time went on I was blessed to share my own experiences with others who were hurting.  For a few, I got to be the very first one that THEY opened up to, and each time my own heart opened a little wider.  SO blessed.

Then we got Libby.  Oh, sweet Libby.  Oh, screaming, confusing, terrifying Libby.  She’s a baby.  They’re ALL a little terrifying.  She’s a little extra-terrifying simply because she’s a little extra-terrifIED, a lost and confused little sweet pea in a crazy and beautiful world that she can’t see even a bit of.  I have never been shy about how hard THIS stage of my life has been.  I had already opened up my soul throughout infertility and adoption.  I already knew that the amount of pain it takes to share one’s struggle with Christian friends is returned a hundredfold in GOODNESS and LOVE.  And so I share.  Sometimes more than I should.  Occasionally to educate.  More often than not, to gather words of support and encouragement.  Because I SO NEED IT.  And y’all never disappoint.  Today (which has been a pretty great day, don’t get me wrong) and especially those other days I just want to go back to bed and cry, THANK YOU for your words of encouragement and your jokes and your gifts of chocolate and alcohol.  YOU make this Mom thing easy.  I see little bits and pieces of the so-called “Mommy Wars” each day.  But I also see love and encouragement abounding, way more than all that other junk. I hope you see it, too, and I pray the Lord opens my eyes to ways I can help you by personally bringing joy directly to you.

And that sweet Libby face… that makes it easy.  Oh, she also knows how to make a lot of not-so-sweet faces (and noises and gestures and smells). But even after one of those days when I start counting the minutes to bedtime even before nap time, my heart swells with joy and love to look at that sweet face (with her eyes closed and snoring softly).  All jokes aside, she is my life’s greatest joy.  That smile, her shining curls, her belly laughs, her grit and determination in the face of struggles she doesn’t even know that she has… she makes LIFE easier.  Sure, she might make Momming harder some of the time… ahem, MOST of the time… but life? She truly makes it easier.  She gives me perspective.  She strengthens me.  She motivates me.  She makes me lose my mind but in doing so leads me back to Jesus, the only one in whom I can find it again.

God gave me this WANT to be a mom.  For a while, it hurt because it was intangible.  Slowly it stung less and less because He placed amazing people around me and guided them to encourage me.  THEN, finally, miraculously, graciously… He gave me Libby.  My job is to love her.

And if that’s being a mom… then being a mom is pretty much the easiest thing ever.