Elizabeth

I think this is a first. Two posts within a week... sometimes it's hard to do two posts in a month! I have a confession to make about my last post, all about making the most of pre-parenthood years.  The truth is, I already knew about Baby Elizabeth when I posted it.  Here's the story of our last three weeks:

Monday, April 16
I went in to work for a few hours in the afternoon, after Tim left for Pastor's Conference.  I have Mondays off, but we were falling behind on some paperwork and Tim had just left and I wanted some extra hours.  When I got to the office, i grabbed my laptop, a stack of papers, and headed to the back business office.  Within minutes of sitting down, my phone rang with a number I recognized as "important," but couldn't, for the life of me, remember whose number it was.  I answered hesitantly, a much lower, less bubbly voice than I normally reserve for Noel, our social worker.  

Of course, it was Noel, our social worker.

She asked me to check my e-mail right away.  She had just sent me details about a special needs baby in California.  We've gotten calls like this from her before; calls asking if we're willing to have our profile book shown in "special circumstances," like out-of-state or special needs.  In this case, it was both!

Elizabeth was born on 11/3/11, and was diagnosed on 12/6/11 with Optic Nerve Hypoplasia.  The optic nerve is underdeveloped, and it can cause vision problems or blindness, hormone deficiencies, and brain damage.  In Elizabeth's case, the biggest symptom so far is her vision.  For the time being, she has been declared blind.  To what degree, we won't know until we meet her, talk with her doctors, and wait it out a couple years.  From the little research we've done, we learned that most children experience visual improvement within the first  2-3 years of life.  We're not "banking" on that happening, but of course hope and pray that it will.

As far as other possible issues, Elizabeth's doctors are optimistic that developmental delays and brain damage will not be severe, because she's growing extremely well and is a very happy, well-adjusted baby.  She eats well, pulls herself up, and is developing in an age-appropriate manner.

So Tim (having just left home for 2 days) and I (without the computer that Tim took to Pastor's Conference) had to decide Monday night if we wanted our profile book shipped to California the next day for consideration in Elizabeth's case.  I quick printed off a few handouts before I left work, but we had very little to base this decision off of.  Looking back, that was probably best. No matter how much we learn about ONH, none of it matters until we talk to HER doctors about HER.  And this decision is about so much more than a disorder: it's about a beautiful baby girl, it's about two parents ready to love her, it's about faith in God.

So the next morning I e-mailed Noel back, agreeing to have our book sent.  It had taken us a matter of minutes to decide, but I wanted to sleep and pray on it overnight.

Friday, April 20
is the date we had been given for when the profile showing would take place.  I was a complete wreck that day.  I had taken off work and was flying to Milwaukee that morning for a baby shower the next day (a flight for $120, who can argue with that against the price of gas?!?) It KILLED me to turn off my phone for that 45-minute flight. I waited and waited and waited for news all day.  Noel is fantastic about contacting us as soon as she hears anything, so I knew I could trust her.  Finally about 7:30 that night, I started thinking clearly and realized it was highly unlikely a decision would be made in one day.  We'd probably hear something on Monday.

So Monday I was a wreck again.  And we didn't hear anything.  "Maybe we'll hear on Friday... maybe they wanted to take a week to decide."

Still nothing Friday.

Everything felt different about this showing.  We've had our book shown before, and I've been able to relax as we wait it out.  This time I could NOT STOP thinking about Elizabeth all day, every day.  Wondering how you teach a blind baby to do this and that.  Wondering if I will need to leave my job that I love and stay home with her.  Wondering what she looks like, smells like, what she would feel like cuddled up against my chest.  


Monday, April 30
Two weeks had gone by and we still hadn't heard anything.  I had promised the girls at work that I would call Noel this day and ask if she had heard anything.  I really didn't want to "push" her for info because, like I said, she is wonderful and I trust that she'd tell us the MOMENT she heard anything.  

I chickened out and never called Noel.  I decided I would call tomorrow instead.  


We had waited until the last possible moment to hear about Elizabeth, but we really needed to get ourselves registered for our Marathon and Half Marathon on May 19 that we'd been training for.  The price would go up on May 1, and I had put it off long enough.  We couldn't plan our lives around a baby that most likely is not ours.  I registered at 10:30 p.m.


Tuesday, May 1
 In a funk about not having heard anything yet, yet feeling "free" after registering for the race the night before, I sat down at the computer on my lunch hour and started an outline for my last blog post, "Six Months Already." Tuesday was the six-month anniversary of our "Waiting Family" status.  When I sat down, I intended just to journal about our last six months.  As I began to outline, my "funk" took over and I proceeded to flavor the journaling effort with jabs about the advantages of being childless.  None of which I regret, they're all true feelings that I have, which is why I decided to finish writing and publish it later that night, hours after hearing the news.


The news: Noel called as I had just begun to type.  Simultaneously, my heart beat straight out of my chest, dropped to the floor, and flew into the sky.  I tried so hard to appear calm as I answered the phone.  I don't know who I thought I was kidding.  Noel has adopted before and she knew exactly how skittish I was.  She sounded happy, excited, different than when she usually calls.  And for good reason: she had the most wonderful news.  Elizabeth would be ours.  We had been chosen.

She had no other information at the time and hadn't had much contact with the social worker in California.  She would let us know new information as soon as possible.

We had champagne that night to celebrate.  Tim wanted to go out to eat, but I put my foot down and we ate leftover meatloaf.  We're parents now; we have to think differently about our budget.  And we've got a massive, unbudgeted trip to California this month.


Wednesday, May 2
I started carrying a piece of paper with me everywhere, now ratty, dirty, and smudged with coffee.  I can't shut off my brain, whether I'm working, sleeping, or running.  It's all Elizabeth, all the time.  I need a place to write down random questions, resources I come across, phone numbers, my to-do list.

Tim and I decided that we need a couple weeks before we can travel.  As much as we want to get out there immediately, we need to buy stuff and start lining up a medical team and get health insurance straightened out and clean the house REALLY well for all our guests we'll have once we get home :)  And plan a trip.  And plan a 1-2 week absence from church!


Thursday, May 3 (Elizabeth is 6 months old today!)
Noel called again.  She had a little more information, but not much.  She informed me that the California pregnancy counselor would be starting the Interstate Adoption paperwork right away, hopefully shortening our stay once we actually get out there.  Also, she had a phone number for Dede, the woman that has been caring for Elizabeth since 2 days old.  She gave me this number at 1:30.  I finally worked up the courage to call at 9:30.  Well, that and I had to finish my shift at work, go to Bible Study, eat supper, and pace and hyperventilate for a while.

Dede didn't answer, but her voicemail voice was warm and confident and she sounded amazing.  I told her to call me back anytime and to disregard the time difference.  I haven't been sleeping since Tuesday, anyway.


She called about 11:30 and she is wonderful.  I want to adopt her, too.  But she's our parents' age... so that probably wouldn't work :) She and her husband completely adore Elizabeth and have done a wonderful job with her.  I got to hear her giggling and shrieking in the background as I talked with Dede.  As of her last check-up, she was 45th - 50th percentile in all her measurements.  She already has her bottom 2 teeth! She eats like a pro, just started rice cereal, and will be starting veggies next week after her 6-month check-up. She just started wearing 9-month clothes.  She smiles and laughs all the time and loves to play peek-a-boo.  She loves music, being rocked, and raking her little fingernails over different textures.  I think she's going to really love her soft, fluffy dog-brothers.


Dede also gave me a little background on the birth parent story.  I only know bits and pieces, and don't feel comfortable sharing at this time.  Ultimately her story is hers, but it's now intertwined with ours in the most beautiful way, and I thank God daily that she chose to give life to this precious baby girl.


We talked about all kinds of things for about a half an hour.  Then I woke Tim up so he could share my joy as Dede began to text us picture after picture of beautiful Elizabeth, from one day old to present.  She is completely gorgeous and we are so in love with her already.  I wish I could share a picture today, I SOOOOOO wish I could, but I feel I should clear that with Noel before I put pictures on Facebook or the blog, and I haven't heard back from her. 


I didn't sleep until after 4:30.  After all the pictures came in I was wide awake; it was like 1 in the afternoon instead of 1 in the morning.  So I e-mailed family in the middle of the night to share the news.  I tried to go back to bed about 2, but her smiling face kept running through my mind and my mind was in overdrive.  Tim fell back asleep quickly; I was super-jealous.  Finally about 3:15 I decided to shower so I could sleep longer in the morning.  Then I watched American Idol, ate some strawberries, and FINALLY went to bed for a couple hours at about 4:30.


I guess that's what I get for missing the sleepless newborn months, and the first 2 teeth.


Friday, May 4
Friday was a sleep-deprived, joyful blur as I worked all day and got texts, voicemails, and message after message from ecstatic family members.  On my lunch break I bought some Tazo Calm tea and melatonin.  I had a 12-mile run scheduled for Saturday and needed to sleep the night before attempting it! After work I quick went to Target for some house stuff and was sucked in like a magnet to the clearance baby clothes.  Mom: Elizabeth already has a dress for Jason and Kaili's wedding in June.  Don't buy one :) Other family: Dede has offered us anything we want from Elizabeth's baby gear, so our registry is hopelessy inaccurate.  I'll update it as soon as she and I e-mail about what we will be bringing/shipping home.

Just before going to bed, I texted Dede a couple photos of the nursery, in exchange for all the gorgeous photos she had sent me the night before.  We talked back and forth for a bit, and I got more information on where in California everyone is located, and how much travel we will actually be doing while we are out there at our various appointments. 


Today and Onward
Today I woke up after sleeping like a rock for 11 straight hours (thank you melatonin!!!) not feeling at all like I'm capable of running 12 miles today.  I'm going to try to work it in tomorrow or Monday morning, and just do 4 or 5 today.

I ate a lovely breakfast, downed 2 cups of coffee, and started typing this joyful update for all of you to see.  I am feeling so blessed and excited to share.  I can't wait to hear all your questions and comments.  We are so blown away by God's grace and mercy, and are so excited to move forward with this chapter of our lives.

We hope to travel on Sunday, May 20.  We'll run our races in Fargo the day before, travel home, and fly out the next afternoon after church. Not that we're staying here JUST to run Fargo; we just don't think we'll be ready by the 13th.  And we want to leave on a Sunday afternoon because that allows Tim to be gone for 10-12 days, only needing a guest preacher for one service.  I ran the date by Dede and it seems okay with her, so we just need to know from everyone else involved if that date is practical as far as paperwork and other appointments.  We hope, since the paperwork has already been started, to be home before the end of May.  Our second nephew is due on May 29!!! Gamma and Papa Redfield (as Jacob calls them) are in for a whirlwind week at the end of May! 


We'll be telling both our churches tomorrow after services.  SO excited for that! Those of you St. Paul's and St. Peter's members who read this... guess you got a sneak peek!


We will keep you all posted as soon as more information becomes clear.  I think the blog is the easiest way because I can go on and on and on as I have today... but we'll always link it to Facebook.  We get new details every day, but some of them are cloudy and unclear.  So I'll try to do updates once or twice a week with information that is "solid."


Blessings to you all! God is so good!